As you can tell, I was pretty irate while writing this post and I’m not even published yet. (I have to say “I’m not even published yet” because I’m trying to be positive after writing this excessively salty post). Putting my personal vendettas aside, here is a comprehensive list of eleven things you should never say to a writer:
- Can you make me a character in your book? Um no. A few years ago, a girl at my school asked me if she could be a character in my book and I named my villain after her. Don’t ask a writer if you can be in her book unless you want to become the bad guy.
- Am I a character in your book? If you’re asking me this, it probably means you annoy me. So, yes, you probably are.
- Can I have a free copy? Writing is a job. You wouldn’t ask a doctor for a free exam, so don’t ask a writer for a free book.
- How much money do writers make? You have to be joking.
- I have this amazing idea for a book and I think you should write it. Trust me, I’ve got enough ideas bouncing around my head to last a lifetime.
- Can I read your book? You can buy my book like the rest of the population. Until then, shoo.
- I found a typo in your book. Great. Thanks for rubbing my errors in my face. As if my fear of publishing a subpar book and the corresponding anxiety weren’t enough.
- No, like what do you actually do? Do you know how close I am to throwing an uncapped pen at your face right now?
- I could be a writer too if I only had the time. Believe me, honey: we have no more time than you in the day. If you really want to write a book, stop talking to me and go write a book.
- Your job is so easy. HA. Yeah, tell that to my sleep deprivation.
- Why isn’t your book finished yet? You know, I’ve been asking myself the same question since I started the damn thing. Thanks for reminding me.
What else should you never say to a writer? Has anyone ever said these things to you?